Midlife’s A Trip

The Legacy of Strong Women

Posted on 07. Dec, 2007 by Karen in Inspiration

Throughout my life, I have often been reminded that I come from a line of strong women.  I attribute my getting through some tough life transitions to that legacy.  One of those women was my paternal grandmother.  She died 10 years ago at the age of 97.  I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately because next week would have been her birthday.   

Gram was an amazing woman.  She was the granddaughter of a slave and the slave-owner’s son who had a lifelong relationship and 17 children together.  The youngest was my great-grandfather and Gram’s father.  Gram grew up in the country outside of Columbus, Georgia where her parents and everyone else she knew were sharecroppers.  Sharecropping was just a step above slavery; a hard life with little rewards.  

She was a tomboy and, in her own words, a crack-shot with a slingshot.  According to Gram, she often killed rabbits and squirrels with this homemade weapon to supplement the food supply at home.  I remember how she talked about being out hunting and seeing a Black man hanging from a tree–lynched.  The sad thing is that Gram mentioned this in such a matter of fact way that I understood that it was a regular occurrence. 

Gram went to school through the 8th grade but didn’t graduate.  When she spoke of this I heard the regret in her voice.  But her excuse was that although she finished the requisite work, her parents didn’t have enough money to buy fabric for a white dress–the attire for graduation.  So Gram decided not to participate.  I wasn’t surprised when she told me this.  Gram was really particular about her appearance.  I saw this played out in her later years in her closet bulging with beautiful church dresses with matching hats.

By the time Gram was 15 she was convinced she was going to be an old maid.  She explained that there were no eligible boys around who weren’t related to her.  At some point, she met a young man in a nearby town who she said was a more distant relation.  They soon married and he became my grandfather and the first of Gram’s five husbands.

Around that time an industrialist in Detroit named Henry Ford distributed posters throughout the South offering jobs to Blacks making automobiles.  Now neither of my grandparents had ever ridden in a car but they hopped on a train and headed North for this new opportunity.  They settled in Hamtramck, Michigan and my grandfather went to work at the Ford auto plant. 

Along the way, my grandmother had a miscarriage that nearly killed her.  Throughout her life, she would have more of these near death experiences.  But she was amazingly resilient–surviving the great flu epidemic of 1918, smallpox, 45 years of diabetes and Legionnaire’s disease when she was in her early 90’s. 

Gram supplemented the family income by cleaning houses, making food for political fundraisers and -oh she would kill me if she knew I was telling you this–making moonshine.  During prohibition, Gram had a house with a still in the attic.  My dad remembered having to climb through a trap door in the ceiling to let the steam off the mash–the corn substance that was the main ingredient for the corn liquor that become Gram’s specialty. 

Gram told the story of how one snowy day, she went out to run errands and on her way home noticed that the roof of her house was the only one without snow on it.  The heat from the still in the attic had melted the snow.  In her later years, Gram would comment on how she had never done anything illegal.  As you might imagine, she didn’t like to be reminded about the moonshine.

Gram had some great loves in her life.  Her last husband, her 3 children, her many grandchildren and her church.  Though her life was never easy, it was rich and full.  I learned from her that happiness doesn’t come from material things but from the love of family, friends and oneself.  

She loved to share her wisdom and humor, especially with her grandchildren.  She and I had some great talks.  Gram gave advice on everything from current affairs to sports (she was a baseball, basketball and hockey fan) to boyfriends.  And when Gram spoke, we all listened.

In her last days, we learned that Gram had cancer.  Even before the surgery confirmed it, Gram told me she knew she was dying.  As I watched my grandmother consciously and deliberately give up her will to live, I stayed with her around the clock.  My grandmother’s passing was one of the most spiritual times of my life.

On that last day, she seemed to be in pain although, at her request, I made sure the hospice staff gave her pain meds.  At one point, Gram’s hospital room was filled with family and her minister walked in.  He called me out into the hall where he admonished me on how independent Gram was and that she would not leave this world with all of us hovering over her.  I knew he was right.  We had taken her as far as we could.  She had to make the last steps of her journey alone.

Each family member said goodbye to Gram.  I was the last to leave.  By that time she wasn’t communicating but her eyes were open.  I’ve heard that hearing is the last of the senses to go so I leaned over to have my last talk with my grandmother.  I told her that I was going home to shower but if she had to leave before I returned that I would see her in the “bye and bye”.  This was her slave grandmother’s name for heaven.  I left the hospital and went home.  Forty-five minutes later the nurse called to say that Gram had died. 

I miss my grandmother.  But she always shows up often in my life through the lessons she taught me, the wisdom she shared and the love she surrounded me with always.  I think she would be proud of the woman I have become in midlife.  A strong woman like her.

Who are the strong women who have influenced your life?

Related posts:

1. Caregiving — The Impact on Midlife Women Yes I’m back on the issue of caregiving.  Not only...
2. Midlife Women Bloggers on the Roll Check out my blogroll for a new category — Midlife...
3. Hanging Out With Midlife Women Bloggers Today I signed up over at Blogher.com, a site for...
4. Karen’s Klips — Midlife Women Bloggers Meet Face to Face Well, this is a landmark day here at Midlife’s A...
5. Shards of Memories Isn’t that an incredible title — shards of memories?  I...

Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.