Mom, Dementia and Me; Some Days

Posted on 15. Feb, 2008 by Karen in Misc

Some days I just don’t have the words.  Out of the clear blue, I had the thought that maybe we should take my mother out of the Alzheimer’s assisted living facility and move her in with me.  Whoa–where the heck did that come from?!!! 

I really care about my mom’s well-being but I’ve never considered having her live with me.  We’re both pretty particular about our living space.  I like things the way I like them and so does she.  And now in her dementia, Mom wakes up every day thinking that she’s moving to a new place and so she packs.  I haven’t got a clue about how I could accommodate her daily desire to move out.   

And if the truth be told, we’ve had times over the years when we just haven’t gotten along.  I’m an extrovert, Mom’s an introvert.  Maybe we were too different or maybe we’re actually a lot alike.  Or maybe we’re just like a lot of other mothers and daughters whose relationships are better when they live under different roofs.

All this has been going through my mind as I wondered how I stumbled on the idea of Mom moving in with me.  What I’ve learned though is that thoughts come into our minds for a reason that may not be clear until much later.  So without immediate judgment, I called my sister and told her my idea.  We agreed to research the concept and met with a eldercare consultant about how I could take action on my idea at some point. 

What has come out over the last week is that while I’m not ready to have Mom move in, we’re ready to have her move out of where she’s currently living.  The resulting dialog has been helpful in identifying some alternatives that may better serve my mother in the current stage of her dementia than living with me.  A good outcome from a surprising idea. 

    

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2 Responses to “Mom, Dementia and Me; Some Days”

  1. Celeste

    16. Feb, 2008

    Karen -

    My mother passed away in January of last year at the wonderful age of 87. I literally packed up my belonging and moved in with her for the last 2 wonderful years of her life. This was the best thing I could have ever done for her and for myself. Trust me when I say this.

    I became the mother and Mom was my daughter. It was extremely difficult living with Mother once again with respect to day-to-day life, because, I am extremely particular too with my living arrangements. I think that is why I am still single. If anything, I am very, very honest with myself.

    When my Mother was in the hospital the last 4 days of her life here on earth, the doctor indicated that she had the beginnings of Dementia. In my mind I knew this already, but of course denied the fact. I actually enjoyed her even more. Karen – she was a doll.

    Well, I know it goes against what you think you should do with your Mother, but try and spend as much time as you can with her. You will not regret it for one single minute!

    Celeste

  2. Karen

    18. Feb, 2008

    Celeste–

    Boy I needed this!! Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Love your wisdom on parenting parents.

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