Midlife’s A Trip

Midlife Life Lists–Antidote to the Crisis

Posted on 16. Oct, 2007 by Karen in Misc

As I talk with people about my coaching practice and my focus on people in midlife, invariably the topic of "midlife crisis" comes up.  Many of us at this age wonder if the crisis is a must-do stop on the journey through midlife.  Not necessarily so.

To the extent that there is crisis in midlife, I think it comes from:

1) Things beyond our control and

2) Things that make us unhappy but that we continue to tolerate.

In the first category are those events like the death of loved ones or unexpected illness that are simply beyond our control to prevent.  The second category are those things over which we could effect some change if we weren’t afraid to dream that things could be different and that we could find happiness at this point in life.  I think that by midlife, many of us just don’t know how to dream anymore and imagine the kind of life we truly want. So we settle for something far less. 

Recently I learned about a fix for this.  It’s called a "life list".  A life list is all the things that you want out of life if there were no barriers, financial or otherwise.  For example, I want to travel in Africa for long enough to see all the things I’ve always wanted to see there–say three weeks.  So I put visit Africa for three weeks on my life list.  Simple.  No judgment about how much the trip will cost, can I afford it, how could I take that time away from work, yada, yada.  Just put Africa on the list.  Done.

At Christmas, there’s a new movie coming on about life lists.  It’s called "The Bucket List" and stars Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson as two terminally ill men who escape from the cancer ward to support one another in doing as many things on their respective lists before they "kick the bucket".  See the trailer at http://thebucketlist.warnerbros.com. I plan to see the movie when it comes out but I don’t plan to wait until the end of my life to do have the life of my dreams. 

That’s why I’m starting an exercise program for my imagination and making my life list now.  You can too.  Just get a journal or notebook and start listing what you want out of life.  Some of it may never make it to your list of goals but for now, just humor me–and imagine that what you want in life is already yours.  Here are a few things from my list:

1) Spend 3 months every year in Martha’s Vineyard surrounded by friends and family (including the grandchildren, as yet unborn, who will play on the beach).

2) Own a great house in Martha’s Vineyard.

3) Be author of several bestselling books.

4) Visit Africa for 3 weeks.

5) Own a VW Beetle–again (maybe a convertible this time).

6) Have 20 years together with the love of my life.

7) Take my niece to Paris for a 10 days (she’s only 3 years old, so give this one a few years).

Practice yoga daily.

9) Knit a sweater for myself.

10) Post on this blog daily (this should be first on the list!)

                        As you start to think about it, what’s on your life list? 

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