Midlife’s A Trip

Midlife is About Letting Go of Fear

Posted on 17. Sep, 2007 by Karen in Misc

So why this blog on midlife. Well, first some shameless self-promotion.  I’m a life coach and my niche is helping people ages 45-65 lead happier lives. Check out my website at www.openforlifecoaching.com.  Deciding to coach professionally was part of my own midlife trip. Others observing me from afar may have said "Oh, oh–she’s having a midlife crisis". But what I’ve come to realize is that, for me, the real crisis would be staying stuck–settling and tolerating those aspects of my life that weren’t making me happy. 

Not that the journey has been easy. In fact, in some ways it reminds me of an experience I had some years back on one of those corporate ropes courses that are supposed to foster teamwork and build leadership skills. I had heard that toward the end of the retreat there was something called the "pamper pole". No one who attended before me would share the details but I could tell from the expressions of those I talked to that the experience was humbling. What did I know?

The day of the pamper pole was a crisp fall day and sunny. I was in the glow of several days of team building and ready, I thought, for whatever was next.  Our group hiked further into the woods where we saw a ravine. There was a tall pole standing at the edge with several wood blocks positioned on the sides and what looked like a dish on the top. As the facilitators started to explain the exercise, I began to understand why it was called the pamper pole. We were told that one by one we would be hooked to a harness, climb to the top of the pole, stand on the plate and then soar off into the ravine filled with the ecstasy of success. As my fear of heights started to rise in me, I felt the need to find a restroom.

The line started to form at the pamper pole that day and I kept moving back–person by person–until I was almost the last one. Actually I was hoping to just ease off into the woods without being noticed but I just couldn’t seem to get away from the eager crowd watching the varying degrees of accomplishment on the pole. Finally it was my turn.

By then my teammates were really wound up and those who had gone before stood at the foot of the pole cheering me on as I started the climb. To say I was petrified was an understatement. I was hugging the pole for dear life. As I think about my journey through midlife, this is a good illustration of how I felt early on–hugging onto the familiar, afraid to let go and explore what lay ahead.

As I continued to inch up the pamper pole, I looked down at the crowd cheering me on and felt just a little braver. One friend was right at the foot of the tree coaching me to "go higher, go higher". But the wood blocks on the side of the pole were positioned for someone with much longer legs than mine. So the climbing higher was slow and difficult. Moving through midlife has been like that especially when I was attempting to do something that just wasn’t right for me.

Halfway up the pole, I the chanting from below– "go higher, go higher" But as I looked down at my teammates, I realized–in an instant–that my vision wasn’t about going to the top of the pole. Right there in my mind’s eye was the picture of me falling free from my fears. So in response to the next chorus of "go higher", I shouted "No", threw my arms back and just let go. Everyone gasped as I flew across the ravine supported by the harness. Letting go of the fear was liberating and unbelievably exhilarating. In that moment, I let go of my fear of the unknown. 

Now years later, I’m letting go of the other things I’m afraid of, settling for or tolerating. My intuition tells me that this is the way to de-clutter and make room for what will bring me happiness in the next part of my life. Fear creeps in from time to time but when it does I look at these pictures, which hang on the wall of my office with this quote from Guillaume Apollinaire:

Come to the edge life said.

They said:

We are afraid.

Come to the edge life said.

They came.

It pushed them…

And they

Flew.

Where are you in midlife?  Are you on the edge, in flight or just tripping?  Please share how you’re doing because I believe that we are the best resource for one another as we go through this process unique to our generation.

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