Manifesting Peanut — A Midlife Adoption Tale
Posted on 17. Oct, 2008 by Karen in Family and Friends, Inspiration, Reflections
Once upon a time, there was a woman who wanted to be a mother more than anything. But she never found the right man and had no luck with the scientific alternatives. Finally, she decided to adopt despite the overwhelming odds of being single, a minority, having limited resources and family who tried to talk her out of taking this step at 48 years old. We call this woman “Meno Mom” and she is my younger sister.
Meno Mom is one of a growing number of women in midlife who have 17 minutes left on their biological clock but aren’t willing to miss out on the experience of motherhood. Getting pregnant versus adoption is one of the initial hurdles. Liz over at Inventing My Life , who’s doing a special series on her midlife adoption journey at Midlifebloggers realized:
There are no guarantees in life about anything. Especially given my age, there were all sorts of risks involved with trying to get pregnant. I started to think it was a miracle that any healthy and intelligent babies are born at all! Not to mention the fact that my “pretty good genes” would only be half of the genetic material. I began to realize that ending up with a child who didn’t get a perfect score on the SATs was not the worst thing that could happen. And given a choice between an uncertain outcome from a bunch of icky medical procedures and a slightly less uncertain outcome from a long and expensive but not physically icky process, I chose adoption.
Like Meno Mom and Liz, would-be midlife mommies are looking at motherhood from a different perspective than in their younger years when adoption probably wouldn’t have been a consideration. Now they want the quickest and shortest path to their goal.
As she did adoption prep, Meno Mom also handled a significant share of the care-giving for our mother who has dementia. We had a caregiver during the day, but evening duty was done by my sister who lived the closest. I don’t think either one of us realized that Meno Mom was in dress rehearsal for her new role as a member of the sandwich generation. Sandra who writes on older parent adoption issues at Adoption Blogs describes the “sandwichers”:
Older adoptive parents; you know the ones — little kids on one side, aging parents on the other, you in the middle trying to see to it that both are cared for properly, have all the attention they need, their medical issues attended to, their futures as bright and healthy as possible.
Although Meno Mom handled the ups and downs of the adoption process well, she did hit a roadblock. Because she was adopting domestically where the birth mother picks the new parent, the agency asked Meno Mom to create a scrapbook with photos and stories about her and our family.
Meno Mom froze. Even though she’s a gifted artist, this ”pick-me, pick-me” step made her feel like she was in some kind of beauty contest she couldn’t win. Her confidence sank and her dream started to unravel. Liz over at Inventing My Life talks about this uncomfortable phase of the adoption process as well as anyone:
Here are the many ways that I have been thinking that other people are better than me, especially in terms of being ready to adopt:
- Other people have more money than I do
- Other people have husbands
- Other people live in better houses than I do
- Other people live in better neighborhoods than I do
- Other people have more friends than I do
- Other people have better jobs than I do
- Other people are more politically active than I am
- Other people have cooler stuff on their blogs than I do
Up until now, I was pretty much a casual bystander as Meno Mom jumped the adoption hurdles. But when she became deflated and unsure as she compared herself to ”other people”, I stepped in with some advice that came to me out of the clear blue:
You have to put it out into the Universe that your baby is waiting for you. The only thing standing in the way is the scrapbook. So change your thoughts, manifest your daughter and let’s get this book done!
Now I didn’t know anything then about the law of attraction or ”manifesting” your dreams. But intuitively I did know that my niece was out there waiting. So stepping out on faith, my sister and I visited scrapbook stores over the next three weeks and sorted through old family photos. We even bought gifts for the baby — Meno Mom bought little shoes and I bought a pink onesie with some saying about cute aunties.
Finally Meno Mom finished the scrapbook. It was an amazing creation by an amazing woman. The next morning, she put the book in the mail. What happened next is still hard for me to believe.
Later than afternoon her cell phone rang. When she saw the adoption agency number, she knew they were calling about the scrapbook. She stepped out of a meeting to whisper that the book was on the way and ask if she could call them back. It was then that the voice on the other end of the line said:
No — we have your daughter!
Only that morning a young woman the agency had never met walked in, gave her 4-week old daughter up for adoption and selected Meno Mom as the adoptive parent. Of course, all this without the help of the scrapbook because it was in the mail! Five days later, Meno Mom and my niece, the “Peanut”, were a family.
I suppose there are any number of explanations for what happened that day. But the one that resonates with me is that it was the law of attraction in action that allowed a midlife woman to turn her dreams of motherhood into reality.
What do you think?
Related posts:
- Being Big Sister This week I had to pull rank on my sister. ...
- Testimony to a Meno Mom This posting is dedicated to my sister Paula–the ultimate Meno Mom. ...
- The Peanut on the Law of Attraction This weekend is my neighborhood garage sale. Everyone who was...
- What A Midlife Crisis Feels Like In the next hour I will be at my aunt’s...
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10 Responses to “Manifesting Peanut — A Midlife Adoption Tale”
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Celeste
18. Oct, 2008
Karen:
I view adoption as an extremely personal decision. Your sister (as so may of us women have experienced) has found it difficult to find that “right” person to marry and thus create a family.
I am one of those women. I love children but I would not have a child without another support person. I had a teacup poodle who passed away many years ago and that is the closest I have ever come to actually having a child. (As funny as it sounds) Tina my poodle, I believe, was human.
I have many reasons for not bearing or adopting children. One is that my lineage has a genetic flaw. I will not go into great detail, because I am very protective of my family, but I have a sister that is mentally challenged. I am so very proud of her Karen, she is 56 and has come a long way. The disease that she has first showed its “ugly ” face when my sister was in her first year of college.
I miss my sister so. But she is in a very good facility where there is an abundance of social workers, psychologists and LOVE.
Please have your sister perform genetic testing on “peanut”. You never know what the future holds.
God Bless.
Dori
19. Oct, 2008
This is a wonderful story of keeping the faith and giving it all over to the Universe. I wish your sister and “Peanut” all the best and I’m happy that they found each other.
Mary Scott
19. Oct, 2008
What a beautiful story, Karen! I could feel and understand Meno’s discouragement when she was asked to create a “pick me” scapbook. You were sooo right with your “put it out to the Universe and shift your perspective” advice. It’s amazing what happens when we focus on the outcome rather than the obstacle in front of us. I just listened to Joel Osteen this morning — I always get inspired by something he says — and it was all about focusing on what you have the gift to do, what you have the desire to do (if you have the desire you have the ability), and don’t let your “I can’t do that because….” little voice stop you.
Meno Mom is a great example of just that!
Madeleine Phillips
20. Oct, 2008
Hello, Karen!
What a beautiful story! I love the way you told it! It was such a wonderful surprise to read how it spun out! It made me so happy for your sister, for Peanut–and you!
Vintage Mommy
20. Oct, 2008
I have so many thoughts (as a meno mom myself) but mostly I would just love to connect with your sister! I’ve been trying to find other older moms via the blogosphere, but haven’t had a lot of luck.
I’m married, so we don’t have that in common, but I’m almost 51 and my girl just turned seven. It’s a no-woman’s land in so many ways – which is what I’ve started to blog about at Vintage Mommy.
I hope you and your sister will visit – so glad I came to blogher today!
Meno Mom
20. Oct, 2008
My sister, the obsessively doting aunt, tells the story so well. It always brings a tear to my eye and joy to my heart. Peanut is, of course, the light of my life. I knew that motherhood wouldn’t be easy. I knew that there would be challenges. I also knew in my heart that each day would be my personal miracle — the miracle of motherhood. Don’t get me wrong. The adoption process was demeaning, disheartening and long, but I was as committed to the end result then as I am now. I had to be a mother throughout the process, and so I was — fiercely protective of my child — my dream. I would love to communicate with other meno moms, so stay tuned. I’ll be back.
Meno Mom aka Mother of “the Peanut”
Karen
20. Oct, 2008
Celeste–I’m so sorry to hear about your sister and the impact her condition had on your decision to have children. Adoption is a very personal decison. We had precedent in our family because my brother is adopted. It’s not an easy process though.
Thanks Dori for your warm wishes. I’ll pass them on to Meno Mom and Peanut.
Mary–funny, I just started watching Joel Osteen. What he says really has an appeal to me too. Thanks for your comments here.
Madeleine–thanks for your comments. I always welcome feedback from my first reader!
Vintage Mommy–I’m so glad you stopped by for a visit. Will let Meno Mom know to connect with you and about your site–it’s great! I’m really glad you came to Blogher today too.
Thanks everyone for sharing in the Peanut story!
Karen
charlotte
22. Oct, 2008
Ok for a little encouragement. I am 44 yrs old single african/native american. 3 biological daughters 1 adopted son originally from Romania. Adopted at 12 years old now 19. I am planning to adopt again by God’s grace. More then one. India, Russia, Ghana, and Peru are on my list. There are so many children who need to be adopted. Too many children thrown out on the street from orphanages. I want to adopt 18mo- 5 yrs this time around. So there’s my story. I applaude you I have parents I’m looking after, 5 grands, and grown children trying to come back to the nest and these beautiful dreams. I am happy, I believe, I am not afraid , I am young and full of wonder, I am strong. You are an encouragement to me. I will be reading your blog. In the near future I hope to put one of my blogs on blogher. It will be about adoption or shopping I haven’t quite decided. Thanks for sharing your stories.
Charlotte
charlotte
22. Oct, 2008
Please see that Meno mom gets the above comment. I forgot to add her name. Its for her and everyone who would dare to even think about adopting midlife. Be encouraged!
Karen
22. Oct, 2008
Charlotte–Just called Meno Mom to tell her to look at your comments. You are amazing! With all you’ve done and the joy you’ve spread, one would think you would be 99 instead of 44. I’d love to hear more about your journey so if you have a blog address to share, I’d like to add it to my sidebar. And if you don’t have a blog already started, let me know. I’ll help you get up and running. Thanks for stopping by to visit. I hope you’ll come back often. Also stop by http://www.midlifebloggers.com. You’ll find more like-minded women on their “midlife trip”.
Karen