Choices

Posted on 23. May, 2008 by Karen in Family and Friends

choices2.jpg Several weeks ago on a great sunny Saturday afternoon, I went to the zoo with my sister and 4 year old niece, “the Peanut”. The plan was to let the Peanut hang out at the play-scape for a while and then see the animals. Nice and simple. Not.

The Peanut didn’t want to leave the play-scape and went into full drama queen mode. You haven’t seen crying until you see her in action. Tears began to flow, wailing escalated and her arms hung at her sides in the most pitiful dejected fashion. According to the Peanut at that moment she not only didn’t want to see the animals — she hated the animals. You could almost feel sorry for her if it wasn’t for the fact that it was a complete crock.

Now mind you, I love my niece dearly but as someone on the back end of parenting (my son is 32) I know an act when I see it. So I stood by for a few minutes while my sister cajoled, explained and did her best to calm the Peanut down and move her towards the animals. But when it became clear that my sister’s tactics weren’t working, I stepped in.

I invited the Peanut into “my office” — a space next to a picnic table and away from her mom. The Peanut continued to cry. I reached in my purse and pulled out a Kleenex which I held out to her without saying anything. Her sobbing slowed down but I could tell I had her attention. Then I said:

Peanut, you can take this Kleenex, wipe your face and come with your mom and me to see the animals. Or if you don’t want the Kleenex, we’re going to the car right now and leaving. It’s your choice.

The Peanut didn’t hesitate. She reached out, took the tissue, wiped her face and within minutes we were headed off to see the hippo, which wasn’t the biggest attraction for me that day. What was really amazing was how the Peanut, when faced with two clear choices, set aside the drama and made a decision that gave her the best outcome.

Watching the Peanut in action reminded me how far I’ve come. I used to agonize over life choices and hang out at the proverbial fork in the road. But now I move pretty quickly past the drama and get to the best choice. I think it has something to do with a turn I took on my midlife trip — and maybe having the Peanut as my role model.

How well do you handle choices at this point in life?

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5 Responses to “Choices”

  1. Margaret

    27. May, 2008

    Wow, Karen. Nice move with the Peanut. How did your sister react? Was she relieved or was she frustrated that you were more effective in this situation? I’m sure there are times when a child won’t listen to her mother, simply because it’s her mother, but will listen to someone else, which must be trying for poor Mom. The same goes for husbands and wives, I find. :)

  2. Carol Freedman

    27. May, 2008

    I think as we get older we are a little less caught up in what kids “should” do – as in they SHOULD like to see animals. Our son, Sayer, has autism and he has never liked the zoo. I think some kids just feel uncomfortable seeing animals in cages. Maybe they can’t verbalize how they feel so they act out?

  3. Karen

    27. May, 2008

    Margaret — I think my sister was relieved but maybe also a little frustrated because Peanut didn’t listen when my sister suggested going home. But maybe she didn’t phrase it as a choice. I’m not sure because I couldn’t hear over Peanut drama-queen crying! I seem to remember the same situation though when my son was young. That’s how I learned the lesson. Karen

    Carol–Good point. I think you hit the nail on the head about the acting out piece. Peanut was very excited to go to the zoo but maybe what she really wanted was just to go to the playscape at the zoo. Hard to tell. Karen

  4. Toni Jackson

    27. May, 2008

    Wow! Karen you really nailed it! Decision making before my fifties was agonizing. But when you get past the drama–like you said–make a choice–you make progress. Right or wrong–you have taken a direction—and you can take another direction if you want–just don’t waste time agonizing–research maybe–but don’t stress it.-there are worse things happening in the world. You were always a good coach!

  5. Karen

    28. May, 2008

    Thanks Toni!! There really is a clarity you get in midlife or maybe it’s a line of sight to what you really want. And you head in that direction. Yeah, there might be roadblocks but we get a lot better in midlife at either taking them down or taking a detour. Karen

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