Archive for 'Reflections'
A New Direction on My Midlife Trip
Posted on 03. Feb, 2010 by Karen.
This is my last post here on Midlife’s A Trip. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been blogging here for several years now.
Funny – when I started I was so green, a real “newbie” as they say online. But as I look back, I realize that not only did I learn how to blog here at Midlife, I found my unique and authentic voice.
Many times I surprised myself and wrote things I never thought I’d be comfortable saying online. I expressed my opinions. I ranted. I raved and go figure – I just plain said what I meant and meant what I said. Blogging here has been absolutely liberating for me!
In fact, finding my voice here led me to writing on Facebook, tweeting on Twitter and writing my first book, 50 Ways To Have An Amazing Life After 50. I would never have imagined that one little website could have such a positive impact on my life. I can only hope that it’s been the same for my readers here at Midlife’s A Trip.
It has been such a pleasure for me to connect with all of you. Some days, knowing you were there challenged me to become more of who I’m supposed to be in my amazing life after 50. Know that your readership helped me through many stops on my midlife trip and I am truly grateful.
Although I won’t be writing here anymore, Midlife’s A Trip will still be here. I hope you’ll stop by from time to time and look through the archives for something that may inspire you as you deal with mid life crisis symptoms, mid life transitions or whatever you call this journey that we’re on to the better half of life.
As for me, I’m still blogging and would like to invite you to visit me at my new website, Amazing Life After 50, where you’ll find my new blog – and more. You can also sign up to receive my newsletter 50 Plus Magazine in the box just to the right of this post. Both the newsletter and blog are devoted to how to make your second half of life the best half.
Before I sign off, I want to thank everyone who’s stopped by Midlife’s A Trip in the past – or who will do so in the future. Your readership and support means the world to me. Here’s to your amazing life after 50 and God Bless:-)
Always,
Karen
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Peace Please
Posted on 07. Jan, 2009 by Karen.
In 1969 as I graduated from high school, everyone was talking about war. 40 years later we’re still talking about it. Will we ever get around to focusing on peace in my lifetime? There are days when I look at the news and think peace is still an elusive concept. So I’m taking time today to bring it up by sharing this video with a favorite song written by John Lennon:
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New Year’s Resolutions and Champagne
Posted on 01. Jan, 2009 by Karen.
Happy New Year everyone!! On this first day of 2009 that started with the popping cork of a favorite champagne, I’m inspired by more than the bubbles. Did you know that champagne as we know it today was created by a woman! She was Madame Barbe-Nicole Clicquot Ponsardin or better know as “la Veuve (widow) Clicquot” which, by the way, is the name of my absolutely very favorite champagne.
Madame Clicquot grew up during the French Revolution. She was widowed in her 20s when her winemaker husband died of typhoid. Despite the odds of being alone and a single parent, la Veuve grew the family business into an empire and became a world renowned entrepreneur at a time when women were not typically welcomed in the business world. Demand for her champagne spread across Europe like wildfire and at one point la Veuve made the equivalent of $1 million on a single shipment of her famous product.
The story of la Veuve’s life and how she made a fortune perfecting the process of making tiny bubbles is chronicled in a recent book by Tilar J. Mazzeo. As I read the book, it seems that la Veuve’s success was less about champagne and more about her mindset. Her philosophy was that:
The world is in perpetual motion, and we must invent the things of tomorrow. On must go before others, be determined and exacting, and let your intelligence direct your life. Act with audacity.
So what does it mean to be audacious? It means to act with courage, bravery, nerve — that thing the old folks called “guts”. So as I launch into 2009, I’m following la Veuve’s recipe for success and approaching my goals with audacity.
Let’s all be audacious this year!
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Remembering a Diva
Posted on 27. Dec, 2008 by Karen.
I come from the generation who grew up inspired by the sultry tones and great panache of the fabulous Eartha Kitt who died this week at 81. She was amazing! If you’ve never seen seen Ms. Kitt in action, watch the video below where she sings one of my favorites, “C’est Si Bon”:
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Main Street, Michigan Calling President Bush
Posted on 12. Dec, 2008 by Karen.
Today has been like a roller coaster here in Michigan as we watched the request for help for the Big 3 automakers shift from a big “no” from the Senate to a “maybe” from President Bush. My sister and I were up at 6am, both tuned into the morning news from our respective homes, both of us not wanting to get up and face the chill of a winter morning and the chill of what metro Detroit would be like without one or more of the Big 3.
The news was better after I got back from a lunch meeting but fear of what could happen is still in the air around here. Then I got a heads-up when someone sent me the email address for the White House. So I drafted an email plea to President Bush. Before you read it below, please think about making your support of help for the Big 3 know. Email comments@WhiteHouse.gov and put “Loan Package for American Automakers” in the subject line. If you weren’t sure why you should care, I hope my letter sheds some light:
President Bush:
I am writing you from metro Detroit to express my deep concern over the devastating ripple effect on the people in this region if one or more of the Big 3 automakers were to become insolvent. This email is to urge you to provide the automakers with a loan package to help them stay in business as they revise their operations to become more competitive in a global economy.
No one questions that the automakers could have focused on resolving their problems a lot sooner. But if any of them file for bankruptcy, the negative impact will be as bad as any natural disaster. Estimates are that more than 3 million people will be immediately affected. With the “trickle-down” effect, we could find out the hard way that this estimate is conservative.
And for those of us who live here, there’s no escape. Much like the people who were stuck in that stadium during Katrina, we’re stuck here in Michigan-facing disaster but unable to start over someplace new because we’re super-glued to homes we can’t sell and can’t walk away from. That’s if we don’t outright lose our homes because the loss of jobs means we can’t pay the mortgage.
Personally I believe that the insolvency of even one of the Big 3 could send Michigan into a depression. I grew up with parents who lived through the Great Depression and listened the stories of how they survived. I find myself thinking now that I wish I had taken notes. But who would ever have thought that, as a country, we’d be at this juncture again. Please provide the automakers with the help they need to stay afloat and keep the rest of us from sinking with them.
As one of “we the People” I’m counting on you.
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Shards of Memories
Posted on 13. Nov, 2008 by Karen.
Isn’t that an incredible title — shards of memories? I wish I could claim it as my own creation but it comes by way of friend Steve who was responding to a recent email from me. I wrote about spending time with my cousins this week in Virginia as we all gathered for the funeral of my Aunt Hazel. She died last week at 79 years old. My mother is the last survivor of that generation.
My cousins and I sat around the dining table on Monday night and shared our collective memories of life in our family. It was truly a collection of the good and bad, the happy and sad, the ups and downs of 3 generations of an amazing American family.
We talked about my great-grandmother Dom who died when I was a toddler. She was the proud Pennsylvania Dutch, Scotch-Irish matriarch of our family who didn’t stand for anyone bad-mouthing her bi-racial family. I learned that she wore a Persian lamb jacket with a unique pin that my cousin Dottie still has. Funny, I have a faux Persian lamb jacket that little old ladies love because it reminds them of the ones they wore so many years ago — like Dom.
We also talked about my Bermudian grandfather Fred and the lovely hazel-eyed grandmother Hazel I never knew because she died of breast cancer before I was born. And we reminisced about Great Aunt Clara, the character in our family. She drove a big black car well into her 80’s and took no nonsense from anyone — except her 5 husbands.
I’ve often thought of how to spin our family history in a way that allows me to wrap it up neatly at the end with a big red bow. But this week, I realized, as Steve so wisely put it, that our family memories are shards from the past like broken mirror. Interestingly, as my cousins and I shared our memories I could almost see these jagged pieces being reassembled like a broken mirror — a mirror that reflected back the person I’ve become because of our family history.
Shards of memories.
What are yours?
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What A Midlife Crisis Feels Like
Posted on 11. Nov, 2008 by Karen.
In the next hour I will be at my aunt’s funeral. Aunt Hazel died last Friday at 79. And to be honest, I can’t imagine the world without her. My earliest memories of her are of a loving woman who always said what she meant and meant what she said. “No nonsense” was her mantra. Good cooking and a great sense of humor were her forte. She was part of the fabric of my life.
I talk a lot here about midlife and transformation and how this is all a bridge to the better half of life. Most of the time that’s really what I believe. But today, life is feeling more like a midlife crisis. Here’s how it’s hitting me right now:
- My aunt has died.
- She was my mother’s younger sister–my 10 years–and my mother is still living.
- My mother has dementia and although we’ve told her about her sister’s death, it’s hard to know how she’s taking this sad news.
- That makes me sad.
- I’m here in Virginia surrounded by cousins–Aunt Hazel and Mom are the last elders on this side of the family. My mother and immediate family can’t be here so it’s just me from the Michigan contingency.
- All the young cousins I held as babies are now grown and having families of their own.
- My older cousin who’s 75 feels like a peer and my cousin who’s just a few years old is about to turn 60.
- Yes I pretend sometimes that I’m only as young as I think but 60 is around the corner for me too.
Well enough from me now. I’ve got to leave for the funeral. You’ve got a sense of what a midlife crisis feels like to me today.
What about you?
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Lipstick Was My Favorite Halloween Costume
Posted on 31. Oct, 2008 by Karen.
I know it sounds weird but lipstick was my favorite Halloween costume. I didn’t care what I dressed up as that day as long as lipstick was involved. Remember, I grew up during the 50’s when the standard, at least what I saw on my friends’ mothers and women in the movies was really, really, really RED lipstick. And in those days, little girls didn’t get to wear make-up under any circumstances, except of course — on Halloween.
Here are some of the costumes I had in my youth:
- Annie Oakley — with lipstick
- A bumble bee with sequins — and lipstick
- A princess — with lipstick
- A Wizard of Oz flying monkey — with lipstick
- A bunny rabbit recycled from the flying monkey costume — with lipstick
- A gypsy (I hate to think of the many years I dressed up as a negative ethnic stereotype) — with lipstick and
- Morticia from The Addams Family — with lipstick
- A lot of others I can’t even remember — with lipstick.
The goal was always to try to sneak past my mother’s vigilant eye and go to bed with the lipstick still on. That way, I figured, I could sneak off to school the next day with a whole new aura of sophistication emanating from my faded, smeared but still red lipstick from the night before. It never happened.
As soon as we hit the house after trick-or-treating, Mom had the big jar of cold cream open and ready. If memory serves, the brand of that vile goop she used was called “Albolene” and when Mom was done smearing it all over my face, there was no trace of lipstick to be found — always one of the low points of my childhood.
The residual of those memories of past Halloween lingers on in my long-time practice of wearing lipstick almost always. These days my lipstick may not be red but I never leave home without it.
So what will I be this Halloween. I’m showing up as “aunt” to Peanut, my four-year old niece who, I hear through the grapevine, will be dressed as a “diva pumpkin fairy” with wings, a faux fur jacket, faux fur boots with silver trim and many layers underneath to keep her warm. Apparently Peanut had final decision-making authority over her costume. But when she comes over to trick-or-treat, we’ll add the final touch to both of our costumes — lipstick. After all, it’s a family tradition!
What was your favorite Halloween get-up?
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In Memory of Dad — Notes of Hope and Change
Posted on 23. Oct, 2008 by Karen.
This week marks the 6th anniversary of my father’s death. Dad was a true Renaissance man — a dedicated physician, an accomplished artist, mentor to many and hero to me. He was the grandson of a slave and the slaveowner’s son and son of a domestic servant and a sharecropper turned factory worker. Despite his humble beginnings, Dad excelled in school because back then, that was the only way a young “colored” guy could remotely get ahead.
Dad injured his leg as a child and had to spend a year in a convalescent home. Despite this, he graduated near the top of his class from undergrad. Although he was positioned to go to medical school, back then they only took 2 Blacks in a class. So he waited for a spot for a year, earning his Master’s along the way.
In his senior year of med school, Dad’s leg was re-injured in the 1943 race riots in Detroit. Faced with another year in a convalescent home, he said “the hell with it” and let them amputate his leg at the knee. Despite THIS, he graduated first in his class — a fact he never knew until he retired 54 years later. The only thing we can figure is that it just wasn’t seemly to have a young Black man as valedictorian so grades weren’t posted the year he graduated.
Dad went on to a wonderful practice based more on service than on monetary gain. And as he grew his practice, he and my mother nurtured and grew 3 children — I was the oldest. Lest you think Dad was an egghead, that was just the tip of the iceberg of the man he was. He had a smile that was infectious, a million freckles, a sense of humor that had us laughing to the point of tears on many occasions. And so many people loved him for the caring and supportive way he showed up in the world — always.
As I grew older, Dad became my trusted advisor, my sounding board for what was supposed to be right in life. He was an amazing man who lived to be 83 years old. If he were here today and I were to tell him that a young Black man — another Renaissance man — was running for president of the United States, he would not be surprised. He always believed in the possibility that this country could rise above the heavy burden left by our history of racism. Because despite all, Dad was a man who believed in a world made better by hope and change.
I know he would have loved and been uplifted by the incredible music that has come out of this presidential campaign. So in search of a positive note this week (instead of too many tears), I found and posted here some of the music videos showcasing the talent and positive energy Dad would have admired and enjoyed. I hope you enjoy it too.
I love you Dad.
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Manifesting Peanut — A Midlife Adoption Tale
Posted on 17. Oct, 2008 by Karen.
Once upon a time, there was a woman who wanted to be a mother more than anything. But she never found the right man and had no luck with the scientific alternatives. Finally, she decided to adopt despite the overwhelming odds of being single, a minority, having limited resources and family who tried to talk her out of taking this step at 48 years old. We call this woman “Meno Mom” and she is my younger sister.
Meno Mom is one of a growing number of women in midlife who have 17 minutes left on their biological clock but aren’t willing to miss out on the experience of motherhood. Getting pregnant versus adoption is one of the initial hurdles. Liz over at Inventing My Life , who’s doing a special series on her midlife adoption journey at Midlifebloggers realized:
There are no guarantees in life about anything. Especially given my age, there were all sorts of risks involved with trying to get pregnant. I started to think it was a miracle that any healthy and intelligent babies are born at all! Not to mention the fact that my “pretty good genes” would only be half of the genetic material. I began to realize that ending up with a child who didn’t get a perfect score on the SATs was not the worst thing that could happen. And given a choice between an uncertain outcome from a bunch of icky medical procedures and a slightly less uncertain outcome from a long and expensive but not physically icky process, I chose adoption.
Like Meno Mom and Liz, would-be midlife mommies are looking at motherhood from a different perspective than in their younger years when adoption probably wouldn’t have been a consideration. Now they want the quickest and shortest path to their goal.
As she did adoption prep, Meno Mom also handled a significant share of the care-giving for our mother who has dementia. We had a caregiver during the day, but evening duty was done by my sister who lived the closest. I don’t think either one of us realized that Meno Mom was in dress rehearsal for her new role as a member of the sandwich generation. Sandra who writes on older parent adoption issues at Adoption Blogs describes the “sandwichers”:
Older adoptive parents; you know the ones — little kids on one side, aging parents on the other, you in the middle trying to see to it that both are cared for properly, have all the attention they need, their medical issues attended to, their futures as bright and healthy as possible.
Although Meno Mom handled the ups and downs of the adoption process well, she did hit a roadblock. Because she was adopting domestically where the birth mother picks the new parent, the agency asked Meno Mom to create a scrapbook with photos and stories about her and our family.
Meno Mom froze. Even though she’s a gifted artist, this ”pick-me, pick-me” step made her feel like she was in some kind of beauty contest she couldn’t win. Her confidence sank and her dream started to unravel. Liz over at Inventing My Life talks about this uncomfortable phase of the adoption process as well as anyone:
Here are the many ways that I have been thinking that other people are better than me, especially in terms of being ready to adopt:
- Other people have more money than I do
- Other people have husbands
- Other people live in better houses than I do
- Other people live in better neighborhoods than I do
- Other people have more friends than I do
- Other people have better jobs than I do
- Other people are more politically active than I am
- Other people have cooler stuff on their blogs than I do
Up until now, I was pretty much a casual bystander as Meno Mom jumped the adoption hurdles. But when she became deflated and unsure as she compared herself to ”other people”, I stepped in with some advice that came to me out of the clear blue:
You have to put it out into the Universe that your baby is waiting for you. The only thing standing in the way is the scrapbook. So change your thoughts, manifest your daughter and let’s get this book done!
Now I didn’t know anything then about the law of attraction or ”manifesting” your dreams. But intuitively I did know that my niece was out there waiting. So stepping out on faith, my sister and I visited scrapbook stores over the next three weeks and sorted through old family photos. We even bought gifts for the baby — Meno Mom bought little shoes and I bought a pink onesie with some saying about cute aunties.
Finally Meno Mom finished the scrapbook. It was an amazing creation by an amazing woman. The next morning, she put the book in the mail. What happened next is still hard for me to believe.
Later than afternoon her cell phone rang. When she saw the adoption agency number, she knew they were calling about the scrapbook. She stepped out of a meeting to whisper that the book was on the way and ask if she could call them back. It was then that the voice on the other end of the line said:
No — we have your daughter!
Only that morning a young woman the agency had never met walked in, gave her 4-week old daughter up for adoption and selected Meno Mom as the adoptive parent. Of course, all this without the help of the scrapbook because it was in the mail! Five days later, Meno Mom and my niece, the “Peanut”, were a family.
I suppose there are any number of explanations for what happened that day. But the one that resonates with me is that it was the law of attraction in action that allowed a midlife woman to turn her dreams of motherhood into reality.
What do you think?
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The Path to Peace in Midlife
Posted on 15. Oct, 2008 by Karen.
As you can see from yesterday’s posts, I’ve been pretty stressed out about the tone and tenor of the presidential campaign lately. But today is a new day and I got to thinking it should be more about peace. For me peacefulness comes with meditation.
I learned about meditation early in life. Although my sister and I often laugh that our parents were like the Black “Ozzie and Harriet”, that’s not entirely accurate. You see my mother did transcendental meditation in the 60s and 70s. Every day, twice a day, Mom would go in the bedroom, close out the world–which meant us 3 kids, my dad, the dog, the incessant ringing of the phone, everything–for 30 minutes of TM.
We used to roll our eyes–that was big in our family–at my mother’s seeming eccentricity and commitment to something viewed as part of the “hippie” culture of the times. But as I’ve gotten older, I realize Mom was so far ahead of the times and of us, with her focus on creating peace in the midst of the chaos that was then her midlife.
As often occurs lately, I see my mother in me. My face is hers, her hand now comes out of the sleeve as I put on my coat and I too have found that the path to peace in midlife is through meditation. There are many health benefits to meditation including lower blood pressure, reduced stress and enhanced immune system. But it just makes me feel better.
My goal is to meditate first thing in the morning for 20 minutes. I like using music or a guided meditation. When I don’t meditate, by mid-afternoon I can feel myself surrendering to whatever issue is swirling around me on any given day.
If you haven’t tried meditation, it’s easy to get started. First you can sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and just focus on your breathing to calm you. Or if you prefer a more interactive approach, try a guided and very zen meditation like this video:
Can you use a little peace in your day today?
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Ever So Fine Paul Newman Has Died
Posted on 27. Sep, 2008 by Karen.
One of my earliest crushes was on the ever so handsome, incredibly fine actor Paul Newman. I remember sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the television gazing into those blue eyes that looked out from many a movie. As I got older, Paul remained one of my favorite actors. Well, now he’s gone — dead today of lung cancer at 83 years old.
Now only was Paul excellent at his craft of acting but he channeled his success into making an impact both on the screen and off. His focus on making the world a better place through giving back to those less fortunate was an inspiration to so many.
I don’t know about you but there’s something particularly sobering about the loss of yet another “senior” legend. It’s that mortality thing. It’s feels a little closer today.
What do you think?
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The Absence of Fear–A Midlife Perspective
Posted on 22. Sep, 2008 by Karen.
I’m the person who’s deathly afraid of spiders. Remember the scene in Annie Hall where Diane Keaton’s character calls Woody Allen’s character to come over and kill the spider in her house. Well, that’s me. I even pulled my car over once and got out when one of those creepy crawlers descended from my rear-view mirror.
Obviously what I have is a phobia–an irrational fear. But whose the one who is always saying here that fear is just “false evidence appearing real”. That’s me too. Well being fearful is just no way to live life — is it? Well take a look below at me not being afraid …
… of a herd of bison! I was visiting in Jackson Hole, Wyoming last week and spent an amazing day in the Grand Tetons National Park. We were on a bus and saw these bison from afar. When we got off the bus to photograph them and the herd started moving–to cross the road.
I was surprising unafraid of these huge creatures–the bulls weigh 2 tons! So I kept getting closer to get take better photos. At one point, I was closer to the herd than anyone in our party. And then I got the look–and I knew it was for me.
Yes the look from that really huge bison with the big horns that said:
“Don’t come any closer.”
We understood one another well. With the utmost respect I backed up while this bull escorted the rest of the herd across the road and left me alone.
As I got back on the bus, I thought about this once-in-a-lifetime encounter. The others laughed and called me the “bison-whisperer”. Crazy me–the woman who’s scared of a bug, to get so close to such a massive animal and not be afraid.
Yet another surprise from my midlife trip.
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