The One Vote Barack Obama Won’t Get
November 3, 2008
I’m here to report that there’s one vote Barack Obama won’t get in this historic presidential election — my 89 year old mother’s. But don’t get excited John McCain. This isn’t a vote for you. You see, Mom’s not voting for Senator Obama simply because she can no longer understand what the voting process is all about. The dementia she has suffered from for years has robbed her of the ability to make an informed decision in this election. Mom would be devastated if she knew.
But she doesn’t. I had a conversation with her this past weekend to see if there was any hope of her being able to exercise her voting rights. When I asked her if she knew who was running for president — she didn’t. When I explained about the candidates, as objectively as possible, and asked Mom if she had an opinion on who she’d vote for — she didn’t. And when I asked her if she wanted me to get more information for her — she didn’t. At that point, I watched her retreat into the cave of her dementia; that place where she doesn’t have to face the fact that she can no longer make important decisions like the one that will be made tomorrow.
If she were able, I know in my heart that my mother would be honored to have the opportunity to vote for Senator Obama. There are many other seniors like my mother who are unable to vote for him tomorrow, though, for reasons beyond their control. Let’s not forget them. We stand on their shoulders — their efforts through the years form the foundation for the choices we have this Election Day.
So in honor of the choice Mom would make if she could, I’m dedicating my service as a legal monitor at the polls tomorrow to her. If there’s an senior in your life whose mental and physical disabilities keep them from voting –
What can you do to honor them on Election Day?
A Place for Mom
May 30, 2008
Have you ever had to look for a home for your aging parent? It’s a job no child wants to tackle. We’ve always thought of our parents as being “in charge” and then sometime during midlife the tables start to turn. It may happen all of a sudden or gradually but many of us in the Boomer generation will find ourselves becoming the parent to our parents.
It’s sobering to acknowledge that your parents are unable to care for themselves. When it happens adult children either decide to bring our parents home with us or find some assisted living situation. Whichever option you choose, this is one of the more difficult stops on the midlife trip.
When my father was alive and declining with congestive heart failure, we found a wonderful caregiver to come in and assist Dad and my mother, who had struggled with dementia for years. The caregiver, Barbara, was wonderful and we’re convinced that her faithful attention to Dad added another year to his life after he suffered a stroke.
But after Dad died (it’s taken me 5 years to be able to say this word “died”), Barbara moved on and we had yet another caregiver in for Mom. When my mother suffered one of the mini-strokes that has marked the progression of her dementia, the neurologist told us that we needed to find 24 hour care — ASAP!
I remember making the rounds of assisted living facilities and finding one that looked pleasant and didn’t smell like urine. But beyond that it’s amazing how much I didn’t and still don’t know about how to select an assisted living facility.
Well, my sister and I have been thinking lately about finding a different assisted living environment for Mom. This time, though, I didn’t focus just on aesthetics and the “smell test”. I got smart and contacted A Place for Mom.com to help with the search. It was a great move in all respects.
After my initial email, I got a call back from Margaret, an eldercare advisor. She did a lengthy intake on my mother’s needs and our goals for her care. Less than 2 hours after our conversation, Margaret emailed me a list of group homes for Alzheimer’s victims that I was to tour the next day. My sister and I had never contemplated a group home. We thought the choices were a big assisted living community or a nursing home.
But after hearing me talk about Mom, Margaret knew that she could benefit from a smaller, cozier home environment. So she sent me on a tour of 4 group homes with information that included:
- Confirmation of the 4 appointments.
- Contact information for the owners.
- Locations and links to online directions.
- A list of criteria and questions to ask and
- A chart where I could note my comments about each facility.
Long story short, the first place was the best. After a second visit with my sister, we both liked the facility and the owners so much that we made our decision quickly and will settle Mom into her new digs this weekend.
If you’re at the fork in the road on how to find the best care for your aging parents, A Place for Mom can streamline your search and decision-making process and just plain take the sting out of what is a tough situation. Whether you want to care for your parent at home or find an outside facility like we did, A Place for Mom can help you too.
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Karen - Midlife Coach
