Midlife’s A Trip

Another View About the End of Life

Posted on 08. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

After I wrote about the last lecture of Professor Randy Paush, I got an email from someone who also saw the video and had another inspirational view about the end of life.  Many thanks to Drew from Texas who writes:

You know I lost my mom last year to pancreatic cancer.  I will never forget us sitting at the intersection of Coit and Campbell in north Dallas on the way back from her second treatment and she asked me ‘do you want me to fight this?’

I told her I would crawl through broken glass to find any treatment in the world to make her better, but if she wants to stop I will do anything to make her remaining days a wonderful testimony to the legacy that she is leaving. 

My mom decided to stop treatment and she and I spent 3 amazing months telling stories, finding her old friends, looking at pictures and praying together.  I would give anything for one more day, but I so praise God for the 3 months. 

I used to think that I want to die quickly in my sleep and I’m not a big fan of hearing you only have 3 months to live.  But really, shouldn’t we live like every day is our last no matter whether we have cancer or not?

 

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The Last Lecture of Randy Pausch

Posted on 07. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

Well it’s Friday and if you thought you had a tough week, watch this 10 minute video on the last lecture of Professor Randy Pausch who is dying of pancreatic cancer. As I sit here with tears in my eyes, I’ve let go of what I thought were the trials and tribulations of my week and focused on a true miracle–just being alive today to write to you.

As of March 5th, Professor Pausch is still alive fighting the fight.

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The Serious Business of Happiness

Posted on 06. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

As I walked around my favorite bookstore today, I was suddenly aware of all the books, CDs and DVDs on the topic of happiness.  They were everywhere!  What is it about our times that so many people are writing about how to find happiness?  I didn’t realize it was that lost.

One of the more interesting discussions I’ve found on the subject is a movie about the Serious Business of Happiness .  If you’re still searching for the way to true happiness in your life, this could provide some helpful direction.   

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Young@Heart

Posted on 04. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

I started off today feeling not so young at heart. In fact I was feeling more down in the dumps after yesterday’s visit to the neurologist for an assessment of my mom’s declining dementia. But my day turned around after I stumbled on the inspirational story of Young@Heart.

Young@Heart is a chorus of seniors from Northhampton, Massachussetts. With an average age of 80 years young, the chorus belts out their own versions of popular rock and roll and rhythm and blues songs written long after their youth had passed.

Despite their age and the death of chorus members along the way, Young@Heart has an incredible energy about life that came across with a blast at the premiere of their film documentary at Sundance. The film doesn’t open in theaters until April 18 but take a peek at this video for a preview of the fun that comes along with being Young@Heart.

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What’s Your Life Dream?

Posted on 19. Feb, 2008 by Karen.

Is your dream still a dream? If so, consider what’s keeping you from turning it into your reality.

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Wisdom from a Friend

Posted on 17. Jan, 2008 by Karen.

This is from friend and Midlife’s a Trip reader, Madeleine.  She made the following as a comment to yesterday’s post but there is such a great story here, I don’t want it to be missed by those who may not review the comments.  For some reason, this story was really what I needed to make my day.  Thank you Madeleine for sharing this: 

While the day is clearly not over, I already had something to worry about, which I have now relinquished.  Something else may be on the horizon.  Today I had a wonderful encounter with an 89-year-old (soon to be 90) gentleman who works in my building.  He always brings his special brand of philosophy when he comes to visit.  Today was no exception.  He brought this thoughtful story: 

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.  He said, “My son, the battle is between two forces inside us all.  One is Evil.  It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority and ego.  The other is Good.  It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humanity, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, forgiveness and faith.” 

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather:  “Which wins?”  The old Cherokee simply replied:  “The one you feed.”

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Rosie’s Boomer Review—Is Midlife A Trip?

Posted on 08. Jan, 2008 by Karen.

Click on Rosie’s Boomer Review » Is Mid Life A Trip? to read blog diva Rosie Horner’s review of this site.  As a newbie, I met Rosie out there in the blogosphere.  She took me by my virtual hand and provided me with some wise and sage advice on blogging. 

Rosie epitomizes the way we should be–helping one another on this not always easy, but always memorable journey through midlife.  Thanks Rosie for the great review and your friendship.  It’s one of the blessings of my blog experience!

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The Legacy of Strong Women

Posted on 07. Dec, 2007 by Karen.

Throughout my life, I have often been reminded that I come from a line of strong women.  I attribute my getting through some tough life transitions to that legacy.  One of those women was my paternal grandmother.  She died 10 years ago at the age of 97.  I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately because next week would have been her birthday.   

Gram was an amazing woman.  She was the granddaughter of a slave and the slave-owner’s son who had a lifelong relationship and 17 children together.  The youngest was my great-grandfather and Gram’s father.  Gram grew up in the country outside of Columbus, Georgia where her parents and everyone else she knew were sharecroppers.  Sharecropping was just a step above slavery; a hard life with little rewards.  

She was a tomboy and, in her own words, a crack-shot with a slingshot.  According to Gram, she often killed rabbits and squirrels with this homemade weapon to supplement the food supply at home.  I remember how she talked about being out hunting and seeing a Black man hanging from a tree–lynched.  The sad thing is that Gram mentioned this in such a matter of fact way that I understood that it was a regular occurrence. 

Gram went to school through the 8th grade but didn’t graduate.  When she spoke of this I heard the regret in her voice.  But her excuse was that although she finished the requisite work, her parents didn’t have enough money to buy fabric for a white dress–the attire for graduation.  So Gram decided not to participate.  I wasn’t surprised when she told me this.  Gram was really particular about her appearance.  I saw this played out in her later years in her closet bulging with beautiful church dresses with matching hats.

By the time Gram was 15 she was convinced she was going to be an old maid.  She explained that there were no eligible boys around who weren’t related to her.  At some point, she met a young man in a nearby town who she said was a more distant relation.  They soon married and he became my grandfather and the first of Gram’s five husbands.

Around that time an industrialist in Detroit named Henry Ford distributed posters throughout the South offering jobs to Blacks making automobiles.  Now neither of my grandparents had ever ridden in a car but they hopped on a train and headed North for this new opportunity.  They settled in Hamtramck, Michigan and my grandfather went to work at the Ford auto plant. 

Along the way, my grandmother had a miscarriage that nearly killed her.  Throughout her life, she would have more of these near death experiences.  But she was amazingly resilient–surviving the great flu epidemic of 1918, smallpox, 45 years of diabetes and Legionnaire’s disease when she was in her early 90’s. 

Gram supplemented the family income by cleaning houses, making food for political fundraisers and -oh she would kill me if she knew I was telling you this–making moonshine.  During prohibition, Gram had a house with a still in the attic.  My dad remembered having to climb through a trap door in the ceiling to let the steam off the mash–the corn substance that was the main ingredient for the corn liquor that become Gram’s specialty. 

Gram told the story of how one snowy day, she went out to run errands and on her way home noticed that the roof of her house was the only one without snow on it.  The heat from the still in the attic had melted the snow.  In her later years, Gram would comment on how she had never done anything illegal.  As you might imagine, she didn’t like to be reminded about the moonshine.

Gram had some great loves in her life.  Her last husband, her 3 children, her many grandchildren and her church.  Though her life was never easy, it was rich and full.  I learned from her that happiness doesn’t come from material things but from the love of family, friends and oneself.  

She loved to share her wisdom and humor, especially with her grandchildren.  She and I had some great talks.  Gram gave advice on everything from current affairs to sports (she was a baseball, basketball and hockey fan) to boyfriends.  And when Gram spoke, we all listened.

In her last days, we learned that Gram had cancer.  Even before the surgery confirmed it, Gram told me she knew she was dying.  As I watched my grandmother consciously and deliberately give up her will to live, I stayed with her around the clock.  My grandmother’s passing was one of the most spiritual times of my life.

On that last day, she seemed to be in pain although, at her request, I made sure the hospice staff gave her pain meds.  At one point, Gram’s hospital room was filled with family and her minister walked in.  He called me out into the hall where he admonished me on how independent Gram was and that she would not leave this world with all of us hovering over her.  I knew he was right.  We had taken her as far as we could.  She had to make the last steps of her journey alone.

Each family member said goodbye to Gram.  I was the last to leave.  By that time she wasn’t communicating but her eyes were open.  I’ve heard that hearing is the last of the senses to go so I leaned over to have my last talk with my grandmother.  I told her that I was going home to shower but if she had to leave before I returned that I would see her in the “bye and bye”.  This was her slave grandmother’s name for heaven.  I left the hospital and went home.  Forty-five minutes later the nurse called to say that Gram had died. 

I miss my grandmother.  But she always shows up often in my life through the lessons she taught me, the wisdom she shared and the love she surrounded me with always.  I think she would be proud of the woman I have become in midlife.  A strong woman like her.

Who are the strong women who have influenced your life?

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10 Ways to Avoid Holiday Overwhelm

Posted on 28. Nov, 2007 by Karen.

As we head into December, I’m already starting to feel the pressure of holiday overwhelm.  Do you know what I’m talking about?  Gifts to buy, cards to mail, decorating to do, food to fix, money to spend–say that again–money to spend. 

It’s enough to drive you crazy.  But holiday overwhelm is just a mindset that everything has to get done and be perfect.  So how can you scratch out a little joy for yourself  in the days leading up to the holidays?  Here’s my list of 10 ways to stress less this season: 

1. Make a list of what to buy and do.
2. Then take 5 things off the list that aren’t absolutely necessary.
3. Create a simple time line for getting things done.
4. Play favorite music while doing holiday chores.
5. Simplify existing holiday traditions.
6. Pick names for giving gifts at the office and at home.
7. Give gift cards (ones that don’t have an expiration date).
8. Blog holiday greetings and send an email link to family and friends. 
9. Invite a few friends over to share a little holiday cheer while you decorate. 
10. Say everyday "I am grateful to be here to enjoy this holiday season.

What ideas do you have for avoiding holiday overwhelm?

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