Midlife’s A Trip

Keepers of Tomorrow

Posted on 11. Oct, 2008 by Karen.

  Forrest Whitaker is one of my favorite actors ever since I saw him years ago in “The Crying Game”.  Well yesterday I got to meet him.  He was visiting Michigan as a spokesperson for Barack Obama and met with a small group of us who are working on the campaign.  I was touched to see that this man who is so larger than life on the screen is amazingly peaceful and serene in person. 

Forrest — it feels weird to refer to him as ”Mr. Whitaker” – met with us for a half and hour or so.  His message was that we are the “keepers of tomorrow”, the people who are positioned to make the world a better place to live no matter what our political affiliation. 

In his very calm way, Forrest shared his thoughts on how he sees things changing, not just here in America but globally.  I think I can safely say that all of us were moved and inspired by his words — spoken in a gentle way with powerful impact.

Afterwards Forrest stayed around to take some pictures.  For someone not usually in awe over celebrities, I was thrilled to meet him in person.  In a week filled with gloom and doom on the financial scene, it was great to have the benefit of Forrest’s hopeful perspective on the future.  It made me focus on the steps I can take right now to make a difference and to embrace my role as a keeper of tomorrow.  But I know there are so many others out there working for positive change.

In what ways are you a keeper of tomorrow?

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A Day of Positive Vibes

Posted on 30. Sep, 2008 by Karen.

This past Sunday, there was a rally in Detroit for presidential and vice-presidential candidates, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.  I was lucky to get 4 tickets at the 11th hour and turned the outing into a family event with my sister, my cousin who was in town and, of course, my 4 year old niece, the “Peanut”. 

It was a beautiful fall day as we stood in the crowd for more than 2 hours waiting for the candidates to appear with their wives.  But who cares!  The people around us were amazing, the energy was so positive in these chaotic times and when they arrived — Barack and Joe’s remarks had us mesmerized!  But enough said.  You can see for yourself:

 Me with my sister and the Peanut.

 

 

  7 month old Shelby dazzling in pink and her baby bumper sticker.

  Faces of optimism and hope.

  Joe Biden, front and center.

  Barack on moving out of the darkness.

 It’s all about change.

And in the end, whether you plan to vote for Barack and Joe or not — it was a day of positive vibes. 

We all needed that.

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A Daughter’s Midlife Transition from News Anchor to Caregiver

Posted on 15. Sep, 2008 by Karen.

Two weeks I had the great opportunity to talk with author Mary Ellen Geist.  Hers is an touching story of midlife transition and caregiving.  Several years ago Mary Ellen was described by the New York Times as the:

“Archetypal career woman, a radio news anchor with a six-figure salary and a suitcase always packed for the next adventure, whether a third-world coup, a weekend of wine tasting or a job in a bigger market.”

But as she saw the growing toll that her father’s decline from Alzheimer’s was taking on both of her parents, Mary Ellen climbed down from a great spot on the ladder of success and headed back home to Michigan to become a family caregiver.  And during the last several years as she cared for her father, Woody, she also found time to write about how to live with the sorrow of losing a loved one bit by bit to Alzheimer’s.  Mary Ellen’s struggle to salvage precious time with her dad is now the subject of her wonderful new book Measure of the Heart:  A Father’s Alzheimer’s, A Daughter’s Return.

I bought the book and confess that it’s already dog-eared and tear-stained because Mary Ellen’s story hit me up close and personal.  You see, my 89-year old mother has had dementia for 20 years.  The neurologists can’t seem to agree on an exact diagnosis but Mom’s memory and cognitive abilities have severely declined to the point where she now needs round-the-clock care in a secured assisted living setting.  That means a locked facility where she can’t wander away. 

What’s so sad is that I often forget what Mom was like before she went into her “cave” which is how I rationalize her disease to myself.  When she first started to experience symptoms, it’s like she went into a cave where no one else can enter.  In the early stages, she ventured outside the cave, interacted with people and the environment until some call we can’t hear beckoned her back inside. 

As the dementia progresses, people like Mom and Mary Ellen’s dad find themselves further and further inside the cave.  It takes increasingly more effort to approach the opening let alone step outside into the world where others wait – with hope — to see a glimpse of the way they once were.  And then one day, they don’t even see the opening and the cave becomes – well, everything and nothing.  That’s where my mother is now.

So what are the chances that Alzheimer’s will hit close to your family.  Brenda Avadian of the Caregiver’s Voice, a resource site and a blog for caregivers gives the grim statistics:

During the past decade, we’ve witnessed a 25% increase in Alzheimer’s. Today, reports estimate that 5,000,000 Americans live with this disease, up from 4,000,000 a decade earlier. Projecting these numbers forward, we’re looking at 6,250,000 Americans being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s by 2017 … unless there’s a cure.

As a member of the Baby Boom generation, I cannot imagine a more active group of people being stricken with this disease. Yet, this figure will reach epidemic proportions. Each of us will be affected–as a caregiver, as a family member, or even, as one who receives the diagnosis.  My best friend who is my age is suffering from the early-onset type of Alzheimer’s.  She was diagnosed at 55.

As the need for caregivers increases, family members like Mary Ellen will continue to make huge compromises in their personal lives and finances to provide the care needed for loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other diseases of aging.  According to AARP, this economic impact of family caregiving reached $350 billion in 2006. 

Mary Ellen has a lot to share on this issue and more in both her book and the upcoming podcast interview she’s agreed to do with yours truly.  When we do the interview, I’ll post a link here so you can hear about Mary Ellen’s midlife transition from corporate to caregiving in her own words.

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Karen’s Klips — Midlife Women Bloggers Meet Face to Face

Posted on 19. Aug, 2008 by Karen.

Well, this is a landmark day here at Midlife’s A Trip From time to time I feature videos from around the Internet but today I’m posting my first video made right here behind the scenes at my homebase in Michigan! It’s the result of plenty of trial and error, furniture moving and lots of laughter.

Joining me in the video is friend and fellow midlife woman blogger, Allison Allen from the great state of Texas and the awesome Women Bloom.com. Allison and I met through the growing network of midlife women bloggers and have developed a friendship and “mastermind” group. OK, OK — I’m taking my fingers off the keyboard now so you can listen to our story below:

If you could meet one of your favorite bloggers face to face, who would it be?

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A Place Called Happy

Posted on 03. Jun, 2008 by Karen.

Pulitzer Prize award-winning author, philosopher and philanthropist Edith Wharton once said:

“If only we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.”

If Wharton were alive today, she’d be thinking that we missed her point completely.  Recently I was in Border’s Bookstore and somehow wound my way around to the area where there were dozens of books on the topic of happiness.  Although I wasn’t looking for a book on happiness at the time, it made me wonder how an entire genre of writing and even psychology has grown up around the question “are you happy?” 

One of the well-known resources is psychologist Ed Diener’s “Satisfaction with Life Scale” that allows you to get a quick snapshot of whether you’re happy or not.  If you’re up to the challenge, here’s Dr. Diener’s test.  Using a 1-7 scale, pick the number that corresponds with your feeling and put it next to each of the 5 statements.

1=Strongly Disagree

2=Disagree

3=Slightly Disagree

4=Neither Agree or Disagree

5=Slightly Agree

6=Agree

7=Strongly Agree

 

—-1. In most ways my life is close to my ideal.

—-2. The conditions of my life are excellent.

—-3. I am satisfied with life.

—-4. So far I have gotten the important things I want in life.

—-5. If I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing.

Well I guess by now, you’re either happier than you thought or thinking that you may have missed the happiness boat altogether.  If the latter is how you’re feeling then you might be interested in learning more about how to be happy in a great video from the Doc Zone on Canadian television.  The video is about 40 minutes long so bring popcorn.

As for me, I now think of happiness as a journey not a destination.  For that reason, I’ve adopted the Edith Wharton strategy of just having a pretty good time in life.  And go figure — I’m happier.

How about you? 

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Thoughts on the Big 5-0

Posted on 21. May, 2008 by Karen.

I’ve been thinking about birthdays lately, in part because mine is coming up in a couple of weeks. And no, I’m not turning 50 — been there, done that. But I have a number of friends who are facing that mega birthday of midlife.

One of them is my longtime friend Marva who I met almost 15 years ago when we were both lobbyists in corporate America. Recently we were talking about the paths our lives have taken and Marva brought up that her 50th birthday is this year. Here are her thoughts on that milestone:

So, how does it feel to turn a half century old? Excited, yes — that’s the only way to be. What’s the alternative? Depressed? That feeling won’t serve me well.

For my 40th birthday, I game myself the gift of exploration. I took a leave of absence from my job and went back to school for a year. During that one-year hiatus, I hired a life coach who taught me to think with my heart instead of my head.

After graduation, I developed the courage to sever the umbilical cord — leaving the company where I had worked for more than 20 years. I moved to Washington, D.C. and started my consulting and coaching business. It was a transition that seemed to make sense as I was faced with a new decade (my 40’s) of action and possibility.

Now with wisdom, grace and wonderment, I approach my 50th birthday. What gift will I give myself for this decade? I am excited about all that is associated with the ripeness of this age. I’m excited about exercising the wisdom and fearless vision of my fifties.

For me, 50 is the age of legacy-making. The gift I plan to give myself is more of myself — developing a lasting legacy for my family, my nephew (who I adore), my community and the world.

My motto for this year (and probably beyond) is ‘if not now, when?‘ That means taking care of myself, eating more chocolate, taking bigger risks, enlarging my focus, sharing more, mentoring more, finishing more and simply taking more time to just BE.

So for those of you, like Marva, who are approaching the big 5-0, what gift will you give yourself to celebrate this significant decade of midlife? If you’re already past 50, what gift would you give to a friend who’s reaching this milestone?

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The Coach’s Coach — From Doormat to Diva

Posted on 04. May, 2008 by Karen.

One of the major stops on my midlife trip has been becoming a professional life coach. Yes I know, some of you are wondering what the heck that is.

Well, a life coach helps you turn your dreams into reality — basically get from where you are to where you want to be. An amazing part of my learning to be a coach was finding my own coach — the remarkable Merci Miglino!

Merci’s unique coaching style of humor, wisdom and enthusiasm kept me on target to getting my coaching certification. More importantly, though, she was one of my biggest cheerleaders as I discovered and embraced the “real” me or as Merci puts it:

The Karen-est Karen I can be!!

Now I could go on and on about how Merci has helped me establish a practice where I coach others like me on the midlife trip. But why not just let you see Merci in action. So if you can use a little fun and inspiration in your Sunday, take 10 minutes to watch Merci in “From Doormat to Diva”:

Thank you Merci.

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Join “Commentmania” on the Best and Worst of Midlife

Posted on 01. May, 2008 by Karen.

Today is “commentmania” at Midlife’s A Trip. I know there are a number of you who visit regularly, even daily and I’d love to hear from you because sometimes I feel alone here on the page. So would you leave a little comment to this post– maybe your age, where you’re from, what’s been the best and worst of your midlife trip or whatever moves you. For inspiration or commiseration, I’m 56 years old, from Michigan and my midlife includes:

The Worst

1. Losing my dad–my hero.
2. Menopause — the hot flashes, the night sweats, the brain fog — need I say more.
3. My best friend of 50 years being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at 55 years old.

The Best

1. Becoming an aunt when my midlife sister adopted a beautiful 3 week old baby girl!
2. Menopause – I remember the day I purged all the feminine products from the bathroom cabinet for good!
3. My new career as a professional life coach.

I can’t wait to hear from you!

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Midlife Women Bloggers on the Roll

Posted on 04. Apr, 2008 by Karen.

Check out my blogroll for a new category — Midlife Women Bloggers.  I connected with many of these women over at Blogher.com as they shared perspectives in a lively dialog about women “of a certain age” who blog.  Just from that snapshot of a conversation, it was clear that the collective wisdom here is amazing. 

Keep your eye on this community — we’re on the move!

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Hanging Out With Midlife Women Bloggers

Posted on 30. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

Today I signed up over at Blogher.com, a site for women bloggers.  When I went to post an intro to that community I discovered an ”underground” group of midlife bloggers like me.  As I read their interesting posts, I just kind of fell into the discussion which culminated in a great list of midlife women blogs over at ByJane .  I didn’t have time today but I plan to visit all the sites and see what women “of a certain age”, like me, are thinking and writing about. 

I hope you will too.

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AARP and the Essential Version of Jamie Lee Curtis

Posted on 24. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

AARP’s “The Magazine” hits the stands today and is sure to turn some heads as almost 50-something actress Jamie Lee Curtis takes her shirt off for the cover .  Sporting salt and pepper hair, a smile and nothing else, Curtis sends the message to millions of women in midlife that getting older doesn’t mean you’re over the hill.  

After buying hundreds of women’s magazines in my lifetime, it’s refreshing to see a magazine cover with an attractive, healthy woman with gray hair and a comfort about who she is in her own skin.  Dare I say it–someone like me.  Not a radical concept but AARP gets it.  Funny, it makes remember the time when I didn’t get AARP.

I was only 49 years old when I picked up the mail one day and found an envelope from AARP addressed to me.  I was shocked—I mean didn’t they only go after people over 50?  And how did they knew my age when I was barely admitting it to myself–or anyone else for that matter.  I confess I felt like I had been hunted down, caught by AARP and forced to face that I was finally at the juncture of youth and midlife.  I felt deflated…and old.

Since that time, though, I’ve learned about the amazing value AARP adds in so many ways to people in midlife.  If you aren’t already a member, please sign up.  Millions of Baby Boomers like Jamie Lee and me can’t be wrong.

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Get Less Stress

Posted on 18. Mar, 2008 by Karen.

Yesterday I wrote about how meditation can lower your blood pressure. If you’re not ready yet to embrace meditation as a practice, just take 3 minutes to watch this video and get a little less stress in your day.

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