Midlife’s A Trip

Having a Pink Day

Posted on 28. May, 2009 by Karen.

Today I’m sitting at the hospital while a good friend undergoes a mastectomy. The good news is that she’s now out of surgery and the doctor says it went well. The bad news – well today, we just aren’t allowing any bad news in the room.

This is a time for healing thoughts and I’m putting them out there for my friend and all the sisterhood of women out there who are recovering from breast cancer.

We love you.

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Before You Have That Glass of Wine

Posted on 25. Feb, 2009 by Karen.

In these days when bad news about the economy comes every 15 minutes, by the end of the day you’re probably stressed like the rest of us and ready for that glass of wine or favorite martini.  Well the bad news just got worse because a recent study of over 1 million women showed that midlife women are at a statistically higher risk for certain cancers if they have even one drink a day.

According to the study published in the Journal of the National Cancer Institute:

Low to moderate alcohol consumption among women is associated with a statistically significant increase in cancer risk and may account for nearly 13 percent of the cancers of the breast, liver, rectum, and upper aero-digestive tract combined[.]

Of the 1,280,296 women in the 7 year study who drank an average of one drink per day, 68,775 were diagnosed with cancer.  Sobering news that should give us all pause to think:

Should I really have that glass of wine this evening?

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The Midlife Insomniac

Posted on 02. Feb, 2009 by Karen.

One of the longstanding problems on my midlife trip has been how to get a good night’s sleep.  When I was a late 40-something moving from perimenopause into the big “M”, night sweats wrecked my sleep pattern.  I used to wake up as drenched as if I had just run a marathon.  By the time I finished drying off, changing clothes and linens it was almost time to get up for a new day.

Then as a young 50-something, menopause hit me with garden-variety insomnia.  Awake at 2am — I was the person you could call at that hour because I would be up night after night.  The worst part was the infomercials.  I’d turn on the television and get sucked in by some ridiculous commercial targeted at  insomniacs like me.  I’m embarrassed to tell you what I ordered during those early morning hours.  But my family still teases me about the electronic kitty litter that activated on its own even when the cat was nowhere in sight.

Now in my late 50-something years, there are two main things that impact my sleep patterns — acid reflux and my laptop.  Some days, I think turning off the laptop is a bigger issue.  So I’m still looking for ways to deal with insomnia.

In A Woman’s Guide to Sleep Disorders, Dr. Meir Kryger gives 13 tips for getting to sleep – try a couple for starters and see how they work:

1. Use your bedroom only for sleep and sex. Great advice!  The point here is no sitting in bed with your laptop thinking that somehow you’ll fall asleep while blogging or watching TV.  It hasn’t happened yet for me.
2. If you can’t go to sleep do something relaxing. This goes hand and hand with the next tip about calming your brain before sleep.  I wish there was a shut off switch but in lieu of that, I’ve gotten a couple of CDs over the years with relaxing, almost meditative music.  They help.
3. Calm your brain before bed – that means no blogging and no TV.  Hard for me because I like watching Frasier reruns which don’t even start until midnight.
4. Don’t eat heavy stuff before bedtime — for me late night snacking triggers acid reflux attacks.  Nighttime seems the worst for those.
5. Don’t watch the clock. I typically don’t do this but when it happens it’s always the night before a big day.  The worst thing is to look at the clock and see that only an hour has passed since you last looked.  I turn the clock so it faces the other direction.
6. Create a wind-down ritual. Warm bath, meditation, soft music — these all work for me.  Also listening to the purring of Coco Puff, kitty queen of the castle and my regular sleeping companion.
7. Reduce stress. I’m a long way from mastering this tip but sometimes deep breathing is my fallback strategy.
8. Don’t take long naps during the day. This isn’t a problem for me because I’ve never been a napper.  But taking short naps during the day of less than 1/2 hour is supposed to be OK.
9. Exercise often but not right before bed. Apparently sex is an exception to this rule.
10. Set a regular bedtime. This is one of the hardest things for me to do because if I’m on a roll, which usually means doing something online, it’s hard to shut my laptop down at 10:30p and hit the sack.  Anyone else have this problem?
11. Warm up with a hot drink or bath. Chris Canavan, entrepreneur and blogger over at the Better Than Chocolate Boutique suggests a nice warm but sexy pair of pajamas as an essential part of your get-to-sleep toolkit — even if you sleep alone.  OK, Chris I suppose it’s time to ditch my warm but worn and faded flannel PJs from Costco.
12. Eliminate caffeine, alcohol or cigarettes. I don’t do caffeine anymore–it aggravated my hot flashes and night sweats, which then kept me awake.  I never smoked but I do like a little glass of wine some evenings.  My recent bout with acid reflux has convinced me to limit alcohol consumption — especially close to bedtime.
13. Check in with your doctor if you’re taking sleep meds to make sure they’re not part of the problem.  I tried Ambien once.  Fact is I didn’t like it so I stopped taking it.  I like knowing that if I need to wake up, I can.  It’s a control freak thing.  So I’m more of a fan of natural remedies to sleep problems.  But if you’re taking sleep meds, let your doc know if they’re not working or if you’re having one or more of the many side effects.

When all else fails, just have a good laugh by stopping by the Accidental Blogger for a great graphic on how a woman’s mind works.  When you see this picture, you’ll have a sense of the real reason why we can’t sleep.

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Age is But a Number

Posted on 04. Jan, 2009 by Karen.

Yesterday evening my sister and I took my mom to visit her best friend of 40 years.  Mom is 89 and her friend is 80.  It’s so good to see how the strong bond with have with girlfriends survives the test of time.  While we were there another old friend from their crowd stopped by.

“Tal”, short for Natalia,  is this amazing woman who’s been a role model all my life.  She’s a respected pediatrician who still practices and has probably cared for 3 generations of children in some families.  Caregiver to her ailing husband, Tal still finds time between work and home to be active in civic clubs she’s belonged to for decades.  As we stood around yesterday, she was slim and fashionable in a black jumpsuit, make-up just so and a darling little cut that accents the salt and pepper in her hair.

If you met Tal, you’d think “what a lovely 70-something”.  It would be indelicate to ask her age, but this woman who stills skis and plays a mean game of golf is pushing 90 if she’s not already there.  Being around Tal yesterday reminded me in a huge way that age is but a number.

So as I start 2009, I’m adopting a different mindset about aging.  The birthdays may tick by but who’s counting?  Instead I’m adopting the “live life full out” plan that Tal obviously has perfected.

Want to join me?

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Being Big Sister

Posted on 30. Oct, 2008 by Karen.

This week I had to pull rank on my sister.  She’s the one I refer to as “Meno Mom”, the mother of the now infamous Peanut, my 4 year old niece.  Meno Mom has become a wonderful caregiver in midlife.  She’s a single mom raising the Peanut and is infinitely patient and loving with my mother who has severe dementia.  And, the truth be known, Meno Mom is the best sister anyone could have.  I am blessed.

Now lest you think we’re Stepford sisters, we’re not.  We disagree and even argue vehemently from time to time.  We gossip.  We tussle over Ben and Jerry’s Heath Bar Crunch ice cream and cry together during Extreme Home Makeover on Sunday nights.  And we are always there for one another. 

Last week though, Meno Mom was sick as a dog.  She and Peanut both had colds.  Meno Mom took great care of my niece but not herself.  Then last Saturday, she casually mentioned to me on the phone that she almost passed out at Peanut’s Karate tournament.   

What Meno Mom didn’t know and should never forget is that big sisters constantly worry about their little sisters.  Yes, you heard it here.  She’s the youngest even though I always tell people it’s the other way around (not that they believe me, mind you).  But little sisters never get too old for big sister concern.  So when Meno Mom had to go to ER yesterday because of shortness of breath, I was extremely concerned although I had to hide it because Peanut was with me.

Long story short–Meno Mom has viral bronchitis.  She is now under strict orders from doctor and friends to stay home.  And I, with my traditional big sisterly charm, threatened her with bodily harm if she didn’t take care of herself and get well.  Because you see, being big sister never ends — no matter how old we get.

What’s your experience?

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The Path to Peace in Midlife

Posted on 15. Oct, 2008 by Karen.

As you can see from yesterday’s posts, I’ve been pretty stressed out about the tone and tenor of the presidential campaign lately. But today is a new day and I got to thinking it should be more about peace. For me peacefulness comes with meditation.

I learned about meditation early in life. Although my sister and I often laugh that our parents were like the Black “Ozzie and Harriet”, that’s not entirely accurate. You see my mother did transcendental meditation in the 60s and 70s. Every day, twice a day, Mom would go in the bedroom, close out the world–which meant us 3 kids, my dad, the dog, the incessant ringing of the phone, everything–for 30 minutes of TM.

We used to roll our eyes–that was big in our family–at my mother’s seeming eccentricity and commitment to something viewed as part of the “hippie” culture of the times. But as I’ve gotten older, I realize Mom was so far ahead of the times and of us, with her focus on creating peace in the midst of the chaos that was then her midlife.

As often occurs lately, I see my mother in me. My face is hers, her hand now comes out of the sleeve as I put on my coat and I too have found that the path to peace in midlife is through meditation. There are many health benefits to meditation including lower blood pressure, reduced stress and enhanced immune system. But it just makes me feel better.

My goal is to meditate first thing in the morning for 20 minutes. I like using music or a guided meditation. When I don’t meditate, by mid-afternoon I can feel myself surrendering to whatever issue is swirling around me on any given day.

If you haven’t tried meditation, it’s easy to get started. First you can sit in a quiet place, close your eyes and just focus on your breathing to calm you. Or if you prefer a more interactive approach, try a guided and very zen meditation like this video:

Can you use a little peace in your day today?