The One Vote Barack Obama Won’t Get
November 3, 2008
I’m here to report that there’s one vote Barack Obama won’t get in this historic presidential election — my 89 year old mother’s. But don’t get excited John McCain. This isn’t a vote for you. You see, Mom’s not voting for Senator Obama simply because she can no longer understand what the voting process is all about. The dementia she has suffered from for years has robbed her of the ability to make an informed decision in this election. Mom would be devastated if she knew.
But she doesn’t. I had a conversation with her this past weekend to see if there was any hope of her being able to exercise her voting rights. When I asked her if she knew who was running for president — she didn’t. When I explained about the candidates, as objectively as possible, and asked Mom if she had an opinion on who she’d vote for — she didn’t. And when I asked her if she wanted me to get more information for her — she didn’t. At that point, I watched her retreat into the cave of her dementia; that place where she doesn’t have to face the fact that she can no longer make important decisions like the one that will be made tomorrow.
If she were able, I know in my heart that my mother would be honored to have the opportunity to vote for Senator Obama. There are many other seniors like my mother who are unable to vote for him tomorrow, though, for reasons beyond their control. Let’s not forget them. We stand on their shoulders — their efforts through the years form the foundation for the choices we have this Election Day.
So in honor of the choice Mom would make if she could, I’m dedicating my service as a legal monitor at the polls tomorrow to her. If there’s an senior in your life whose mental and physical disabilities keep them from voting –
What can you do to honor them on Election Day?
Colin Powell Speaks Out
October 19, 2008
Watch Colin Powell as he discusses his decision to endorse presidential candidate Barack Obama. But also listen to this senior statesman’s thoughtful comments on the Iraq War, the tenor of this year’s campaign and taxes.
Manifesting Peanut — A Midlife Adoption Tale
October 17, 2008
Once upon a time, there was a woman who wanted to be a mother more than anything. But she never found the right man and had no luck with the scientific alternatives. Finally, she decided to adopt despite the overwhelming odds of being single, a minority, having limited resources and family who tried to talk her out of taking this step at 48 years old. We call this woman “Meno Mom” and she is my younger sister.
Meno Mom is one of a growing number of women in midlife who have 17 minutes left on their biological clock but aren’t willing to miss out on the experience of motherhood. Getting pregnant versus adoption is one of the initial hurdles. Liz over at Inventing My Life , who’s doing a special series on her midlife adoption journey at Midlifebloggers realized:
There are no guarantees in life about anything. Especially given my age, there were all sorts of risks involved with trying to get pregnant. I started to think it was a miracle that any healthy and intelligent babies are born at all! Not to mention the fact that my “pretty good genes” would only be half of the genetic material. I began to realize that ending up with a child who didn’t get a perfect score on the SATs was not the worst thing that could happen. And given a choice between an uncertain outcome from a bunch of icky medical procedures and a slightly less uncertain outcome from a long and expensive but not physically icky process, I chose adoption.
Like Meno Mom and Liz, would-be midlife mommies are looking at motherhood from a different perspective than in their younger years when adoption probably wouldn’t have been a consideration. Now they want the quickest and shortest path to their goal.
As she did adoption prep, Meno Mom also handled a significant share of the care-giving for our mother who has dementia. We had a caregiver during the day, but evening duty was done by my sister who lived the closest. I don’t think either one of us realized that Meno Mom was in dress rehearsal for her new role as a member of the sandwich generation. Sandra who writes on older parent adoption issues at Adoption Blogs describes the “sandwichers”:
Older adoptive parents; you know the ones — little kids on one side, aging parents on the other, you in the middle trying to see to it that both are cared for properly, have all the attention they need, their medical issues attended to, their futures as bright and healthy as possible.
Although Meno Mom handled the ups and downs of the adoption process well, she did hit a roadblock. Because she was adopting domestically where the birth mother picks the new parent, the agency asked Meno Mom to create a scrapbook with photos and stories about her and our family.
Meno Mom froze. Even though she’s a gifted artist, this ”pick-me, pick-me” step made her feel like she was in some kind of beauty contest she couldn’t win. Her confidence sank and her dream started to unravel. Liz over at Inventing My Life talks about this uncomfortable phase of the adoption process as well as anyone:
Here are the many ways that I have been thinking that other people are better than me, especially in terms of being ready to adopt:
- Other people have more money than I do
- Other people have husbands
- Other people live in better houses than I do
- Other people live in better neighborhoods than I do
- Other people have more friends than I do
- Other people have better jobs than I do
- Other people are more politically active than I am
- Other people have cooler stuff on their blogs than I do
Up until now, I was pretty much a casual bystander as Meno Mom jumped the adoption hurdles. But when she became deflated and unsure as she compared herself to ”other people”, I stepped in with some advice that came to me out of the clear blue:
You have to put it out into the Universe that your baby is waiting for you. The only thing standing in the way is the scrapbook. So change your thoughts, manifest your daughter and let’s get this book done!
Now I didn’t know anything then about the law of attraction or ”manifesting” your dreams. But intuitively I did know that my niece was out there waiting. So stepping out on faith, my sister and I visited scrapbook stores over the next three weeks and sorted through old family photos. We even bought gifts for the baby — Meno Mom bought little shoes and I bought a pink onesie with some saying about cute aunties.
Finally Meno Mom finished the scrapbook. It was an amazing creation by an amazing woman. The next morning, she put the book in the mail. What happened next is still hard for me to believe.
Later than afternoon her cell phone rang. When she saw the adoption agency number, she knew they were calling about the scrapbook. She stepped out of a meeting to whisper that the book was on the way and ask if she could call them back. It was then that the voice on the other end of the line said:
No — we have your daughter!
Only that morning a young woman the agency had never met walked in, gave her 4-week old daughter up for adoption and selected Meno Mom as the adoptive parent. Of course, all this without the help of the scrapbook because it was in the mail! Five days later, Meno Mom and my niece, the “Peanut”, were a family.
I suppose there are any number of explanations for what happened that day. But the one that resonates with me is that it was the law of attraction in action that allowed a midlife woman to turn her dreams of motherhood into reality.
What do you think?
Ranting About Racism on the Campaign Trail
October 14, 2008
OK. I know this is a blog about midlife. But part of my midlife is my identity as a Black woman in America. And right now, that part of me is outraged about the incendiary climate on race now swirling around the presidential campaign.
Yesterday I spoke on a panel at the BlogHer conference in D.C. about my blogging mojo. One thing I kept repeating during the panel and throughout the day is how blogging helped me to find my true voice — how I felt liberated to be able, at this point in life, to be able to say what I mean and mean what I say. So I wouldn’t be true to myself if I didn’t write this post.
Race-baiting is nothing to play with in this country. Beneath our current veneer of civility and diversity lies the ugly truth that racism is alive and well AND flourishing here. And make no mistake — at its core racism carries the heat of violence. All it takes is a soft and steady puff of hot air to ignite that tiny molten core into flames of violence.
Do You Feel Like Piggy Banking
September 29, 2008
I don’t know about you but I can’t even watch the news these days without feeling anxiety over how the economy isn’t doing. Last Thursday, I started watching the 1/2 hour of news I now allow myself each morning — it’s all I can stand. The expert being interviewed on the economy stressed me out so that I had to cut my news allotment in half that day.
Now lest you think I live in a cave, I’m on the computer all day getting those pop-ups on “breaking” and usually bad news from the New York Times. And these days, the bad news seems to be about stocks, money and banks. Do you feel like putting your money in a piggy bank these days?
Since there have been two major bank crises in the last week, you may be wondering how your bank is doing. If you’re curious, check it out at Bank Rate where you get a detailed report on the condition of various financial institutions. And it’s fair to start asking questions about whether your money is safe.
It’s not time for panic but it is time for being as informed as possible.
-
Karen - Midlife Coach
