Caregiving — The Impact on Midlife Women

Posted on 02. Apr, 2008 by Karen in Caregiving

Yes I’m back on the issue of caregiving.  Not only will caregiving  impact most of us at some point in our lives, but the impact on women in midlife will be significant.  Consider the following statistic from the National Family Caregivers Association (although I saw this in other resources):

The typical caregiver is a 46 year old woman caring for her widowed mother who does not live with her.  She is married and employed.  Approximately 60% of family caregivers are women. (emphasis added)

That’s just the current statistics.  The impact of caregiving on women will only get worse as the larger group of “pre-seniors”, ages 55-65, move into their later years.  I’m not the expert on caregiving but I have felt the impact that started in my late 40’s as my sister and I – now in our 50’s – have grappled with the care of my dad before he died of congestive heart failure and now the care of my mother who has severe dementia. 

And just this weekend, I had a conversation with my 33 year-old daughter-in-law, Kim who has spent much of her life as part-time caregiver to her disabled mother.  Despite her long experience with caregiving, Kim didn’t hesitate to assure me that she and my son will care for me if I ever need it.  I was touched by her offer but also mindful that she might end up a statistic — that woman in midlife who is a family caregiver. 

Ready to learn a little more from others on this issue?  Well, you can start by watching the PBS special tonight at 9pm EST on caregiving for your parents .  And then watch my blogroll as I list more resources for you on this almost inevitable stop on the midlife trip.

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4 Responses to “Caregiving — The Impact on Midlife Women”

  1. msmeta

    02. Apr, 2008

    Karen, this is a HUGE issue for midlifers. Several years ago when my 90-year-old mother’s health began to fail, I realized that, as the only daughter, my three older brothers were looking to me to be her primary caregiver. I simply refused. They were all as equally available as I was, and all made more money than I did, and I was pretty vocal about the necessity of their involvement. She spent her last two years in extended care facilities, and we were all involved in the decisions about her care. It didn’t always lead to great family relationships (we are all pretty estranged since her death, but were heading in that direction anyway), but I wasn’t about to be a martyr. And I believe they all benefited from the time they spent taking care of her. When the time comes to face this issue, I think we need to exploit every resource we have.

  2. Karen

    02. Apr, 2008

    Msmeta–sounds like you know this issue intimately. But we aren’t focusing in on it until it hits us in the face. That’s why I’m starting to post on it here. Hope others get the point like you do.

    Karen

  3. Stacy

    03. Apr, 2008

    Karen,
    Thank you so much for talking about caregiving on your blog. I am in my second year of caring for my 87-year old father. I gave up my job, home, friends, and – well, my whole life to move back home and care for him after my mother passed away. One issue I don’t see much about is that of depression and anger for taking on this burden. I am an only child and deeply resent being the “only” one to shoulder this load. I have very little help and every day is a struggle. In the process, I had to leave my career – it started as 12 weeks of Family Medical Leave, but I was never able to return. I have now started a small business from home, but face increasing difficulty leaving my father alone for any length of time to work my business. Every day is a struggle. I’m sorry I missed the PBS special last night.

  4. Karen

    03. Apr, 2008

    Stacy–you are in my prayers. I know what you’re doing is hard. We cared for my dad at home but were lucky to be able to get some help during the day. My sister did night duty because she lived in the same building. At the same time my mother was declining in her dementia. And we only felt a small portion of what you must feel shouldering the entire burden of parent caregiving. You are what the doctors kept referring to in the PBS special–the miracle of having a daughter to care for you.

    I think PBS is making the special available to view online–will check on this. I hope you’ll go on the PBS site I have linked on my blogroll. There’s a downloadable caregiver’s guide that PBS put together. Don’t know if will help but please come back here and just unload whenever you need to. Hopefully there are others reading who may have some insights for you beyond the little I can give. I’d like to profile your story in a post if that’s OK. Email me at kjbatchelor@gmail.com.

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