Did I Fall Off a Cliff Between 50 and 60?
October 31, 2007
Is it my imagination or does anyone else feel almost invisible to the advertising world between 50 and 60? Maybe it’s just women. I see all this promotion about how great women are in their 40s. Magazines, skincare, clothing–you name it, when you’re 40- something, it’s assumed that you really have it going on.
And then there’s the big milestone of turning 50. Hurray, you’re half a century old and there’s that major celebration. People applaud the fact that you’re 50, still here and, if you’re blessed–still looking pretty darn good. If you play your cards right you can stretch that applause for your 50th through the entire year.
After 50 though, the accolades fall off and you’re in the 50+ cattle call–the group that’s older but not old enough for the glorified status of senior or elder. Really–do you hear a chorus of praises for 53 or 58 year olds? Or is it a wasteland until you hit the next milestone birthday of the big 6-0? Then do you fall off a cliff until 65 when all the senior discounts kick in?
Maybe I just somehow missed all the hoopla about the middle of midlife. Did you?
To Complain or Not to Complain
October 30, 2007
Today I got an email from an organization that promotes living a life where you simply don’t complain. The idea was promoted in a sermon by a Unity minister and gained a life of its own after members of the congregation started giving away purple wristbands that say "A Complaint Free World". Over 4 million of the wristbands have been distributed to whomever asked for them. Send for yours at http://www.complaintfreeworld.org/
The catch is that when you get a wristband, you commit not to complain about anything for 21 days. If you complain, you have to switch your band to the other wrist and so on until you actually wear the band on one wrist for the 21 consecutive days. I hear it’s easier said than done.
I’m sending off for several of the wristbands. I’m going to wear one and give the others away. It may take me 21 days or it may take more but I plan to become complaint free. When you have 21 consecutive days of not complaining, you notify the church and they will mail you a "Certificate of Happiness". A little happiness is worth all the not complaining, wouldn’t you say?
Mom, Dementia and Me–Bedtime
October 29, 2007
I was out to see my mom recently in her assisted living facility. They had called to say that she had a fever and bad cough. With an 88 year old, those could be signs of pneumonia so my brother and I raced out to see Mom. It was 10 pm and she was still up pacing the halls.
Nighttime is difficult for Mom. She often has what is called "sundowning". I don’t know the actual medical description for this, but the effect is that my mom is more confused and disoriented. She often walks around for hours with no destination. Just wandering.
On this particular night, my brother and I tried to reason with Mom to get her to lay down and rest. She was exhausted and not feeling well but her sundowning kept her from just getting in the bed. After a technician came to take some chest X-rays, we finally convinced Mom that it was bedtime. As soon as I got her nightgown on, Mom laid down and was asleep in less than 2 minutes.
My brother and I stayed for hours waiting to find out the X-ray results. At about 1:30am, we learned that Mom didn’t have pneumonia so we felt comfortable leaving for the night. As we headed out, I tucked Mom in, remembering a time long ago when she did the same for me. I leaned over to kiss her on the forehead and she jolted awake. But as soon as she saw my face, my mother smiled gently in recognition, closed her eyes and went back to sleep. She was free from the sundowning for the night. I smiled too.
Soulful Saturday–Music That’s Moved Me for Years
October 27, 2007
My favorite music is from the mid-60s through the 70s. My taste ranged from the Beatles to the Supremes, Jimi Hendrix to Elton John. And you name it–if it came out of Motown, I loved it.
I don’t know about you but I can usually remember what was going on in my life at the time a particular song came out. Today, I took a walk down memory lane and listened to some old tunes. This Saturday’s highlight was "Grazing in the Grass" by Hugh Masekela. "Grazing in the grass is a gas–can you dig it?"
That song came out during my freshman year of college. After much arm-twisting, my mom let me visit a college friend in New York City that summer. Masekela was playing across the river in Jersey that Saturday I was there. I just had to hear him.
So my friend and I went to the concert. Sitting on the grass in a park overlooking the NYC skyline, we joined hundreds of other college kids and took in Masekela’s smooth jazzy tunes—sounds that drowned out the everpresent drone of discontent at the time about the Vietnam War.
The music still moves me. Here I sit decades later spending another soulful Saturday listening to "Grazing in the Grass". Isn’t it sad that thoughts of war still cloud the experience?
Ode to a Motown Girl
October 26, 2007
This posting is dedicated to the amazing Kathleen who left this world in her midlife last Tuesday. Lung cancer broke her body but not the spirit that lives on in the hearts of her wonderful family and all those who knew her. I knew Kathleen from grade school and later our sons were diaper pals. I along with so many in our community are reeling from the loss of this incredibly accomplished woman who, by the way, loved Motown.
You see Motown was in its heyday when we were growing up. The Supremes. The Temps. The Four Tops. Aretha. Marvin Gaye. It was heady stuff to be able to see these groups locally at the State Fair and other venues. When you grow up on Motown, that sound stays in your heart and soul. It was this way with Kathleen.
So at her memorial service today, they played the Temps "My Girl" in her honor. We all swayed to the beat and remembered a better day when a young Kathleen danced to the greatest music in the world. It was a fitting tribute; an ode to a Motown girl.
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Karen - Midlife Coach
